Experience in foster care taught lifelong lessons
Njaim, Julie. Toledo Blade, May 3, 2007, pg. 6J.
BOWLING GREEN - A 10-month stay in a foster home dramatically changed Cassandra Dauo's life."My experience with them was so profound," said Mrs. Dauo, now 28. "They have been so instrumental in my life."
She was 17 and suffering from depression when she was removed from her broken home to live with Rick and Jan Rowe of Weston, who are foster parents through Children's Resource Center in Wood County. In less than a year Mrs. Dauo said she learned lifelong lessons about how families should be.
"I got to see a husband and wife [modeling] to me a very loving relationship."
Since 1989, about 40 children have been placed in foster homes through CRC, a mental health agency for Wood County children, teens, and families, said Karen Wortman, treatment foster care coordinator.
In Ohio, 5,118 children are living in foster homes, said Dennis Evans, spokesman for the state department of Job and Family Services.
There's always a need for qualified foster families, he said. "It isn't for everybody and finding those special people who can do it and are willing to do it takes some searching."
The Rowes agreed early in their marriage they would become foster parents. "We want to make a difference in children's lives," Mrs. Rowe said. "We feel that it's a ministry," added Mr. Rowe. They have welcomed 14 foster children into their home over the past 18 years.
In Wood County, children are placed with one of four licensed foster families typically for six months to a year while working toward reunification with biological parents.
"[The foster families] go through pretty intensive training before they can be licensed and ongoing training after they're licensed," Ms. Wortman said. "A lot of the kids do have special needs. [The foster families] have access to our crisis services. We try to have contact with them weekly or biweekly."
Almost from the moment Mrs. Dauo walked into the Rowe home, she felt a sense of belonging.
"After I met them, I just really fell in love with their family. When I went there to stay with them it was really welcoming, even their own kids," Mrs. Dauo said.
The Rowes have three biological children. They adopted twoof their former foster children and are guardians for a special-needs former foster son, now 22, who has lived with them for 14 years.
No matter how long they stay, all of the children who have passed through their doors are considered family, Mrs. Rowe said.
"They teach us just as much as we teach them, if not more," Mr. Rowe said. "They become a part of your family."
It sounds idealistic, but the Rowes acknowledge it takes a lot of work and a lot of growing pains to foster, especially when new children with special needs are integrated into the family.
"It puts you a little bit on edge," Mrs. Rowe said. "You don't sleep very well the first few nights, being very concerned about them being up at night hurting themselves. We've had children who are suicidal."
She added: "It's also very exciting because you want so badly to make them feel comfortable and a part of your family."
Their first experience was with Jesse, an eight-year-old with severe behavioral issues, Mrs. Rowe said.
"His mother was schizophrenic and he had no father. He lived a very bizarre life... This was a case where the neglect wasn't willful. It was sad."
Jesse's presence put the Rowe family on alert since he had no sense of cause and effect, Mrs. Rowe said. One holiday her young son was running around the house with balloons inside his sweatpants. "Jesse picked up a butcher's knife and was trying to stab the balloons. He had no idea that he could kill him," Mrs. Rowe said.
A lot of love, behavior modification, and role modeling changed young Jesse's life. When he was 10, the Rowes adopted him. Jesse, now 26, lives in Australia. He and his wife are expecting their first child, Mrs. Rowe said.
Many of their stories from the 14 kids they've fostered are wonderful and inspiring. Most go on to lead productive lives, but some choose another path.
"People think all these kids need is love and you can turn this behavior around in maybe a month. It can take years. It requires so much perseverance," said Mrs. Rowe.
Their compassion and commitment left an indelible mark on Mrs. Dauo.
She, her husband, and their children are very much a part of the Rowes' lives. They see each other at church every Sunday, spend Easter together, and celebrate a late Christmas with each other. Her biological mother believes the Rowes were a "godsend," Mrs. Dauo said.
"I really got to see the dynamics of a whole family," she said.
Living in a house with so many other children, she also learned tolerance. "It forces you to deal with people who might be difficult or immature or more mature."
Today she looks to the Rowes for loving support. When her father died, Mr. Rowe was there to comfort her. "He held me and told me, 'I'm here for you, kiddo.' "
Looking back, Mrs. Dauo said she that wouldn't change the hardship she endured while growing up.
"It was really sad that I had to go through all that stuff to meet them and experience their family and their life," she said. "But at the same time, if I didn't go through all those things, I wouldn't have met them, so I'm really grateful for all the trauma I had to go through."
